I Hate Myself

Here we are, it's 2007. It was supposed to be the year of prosperity, hope, and accomplishments. So, why then, do I feel like a fucking idiot that has failed already? Oh yeah, I hate myself, just so you know. Most people thankfully do not experience this particular thing.

Self-loathing is interesting in that it can be a passing emotion, or a life-long condition. Because I have the whole manic depression thing going on, my levels of self hate fluctuate...but it's always there. Currently my hate meter is maxing out. It's topped out, it's in the danger zone, it's glowing an angry red and threatening to explode.

I questioned even bringing this whole topic up and writing about it. For some reason I felt strangely compelled to get my thoughts on this virtual paper. Maybe it's a way to do a controlled release--kind of like a bleeder valve on a pressurized line--whereby I let a little of this emotion out, but not all of it. To just let it fly without any restraint would probably be bad. BAD.

I could probably explain some of the reasons for this latest situation. Then again, that would be like describing only half of the problem, because I never can fully understand why my moods and emotions strike me when they do, or why they do. And also I don't really feel like going into all of those things right now, anyway. Just wanted to get some of this crap out.

And with that, I will close with a quote from the great movie SLEUTH with Michael Caine, and Laurence Olivier.

"You're a young man, in a clown suit, who's about to be murdered!"

For Fans of Good Horror Fiction - Delirium Books

Delirium Books is one of the premier Small Press publishers out there today. Their stable of authors is outstanding, the production values of their books is top of the line, and their publishing schedule is almost always on time. Shane Ryan Staley runs this press and he is a great guy who always goes out of his way to treat his authors, fans, and readers well. You won't meet a more friendly, funny, and interesting group of people anywhere.

Delirium has a great forum with posts about upcoming titles, and contributions from the authors like Brian Keene, Weston Ochse, Gord Rollo, Brett Alexander Savory, Michael McBride, and others. Talk about your collections, brag about how you got an awesome Limited Edition that no one else was able to get their hands on...and just hang out with a group of people that love horror and extreme fiction and love talking with others just like them.

Here's a link to the Delirium Books Message Board.

I am on the boards regularly under the handle 'LeftoverJoe'. Stop by and say hello!

My (Sprained) Left Foot

Well the other day I went ahead and totally cranked my left ankle. It was actually last Wednesday night, at my weekly indoor soccer game. To set the stage a bit here, I should tell you that all of the notable injuries I've had playing soccer have come from indoor games. By notable, I mean that they resulted in operations or at least hospital visits.

This is the first time I've hurt my ankle though, so it's a brand new experience. Here is a pic of my ankle from this morning. I really wanted to take one on the night it happened, but I was pretty out of it because it felt like my ankle was caught in a bear trap and I was more interested in getting an ice bag duct-taped to my leg than in taking a picture of it with my cell phone.

Granted, it's not the best picture, but you'll notice the large dark line running along the bottom of my foot, and the swollen, red, areas all over the rest of the thing. It kind of sucks, this injury, because you use your damn ankles all of the time. What kind of creator gave us such tender, important parts like this, and then made it possible to screw them up in a pointless soccer game?

Oh well. I am not going to be playing for a while now, and maybe I'll even wait until the outdoor season starts in April. Until then, I'll just hobble around, pop some Vicodin, and wax pathetic about how bad it stings when I put pressure on it.